Being a Youth Caregiver

My Mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma in early winter of 2008. At that time, I was living in residence at Carleton University and finishing up my first semester. After exams, I went home for the holidays. We had a quiet, low-key Christmas that year. After the winter break, my life changed quite dramatically. Before my Mom got sick, I was your average university student, going to class, working a part time job and  having a great time with friends. I now had to learn how to balance school work and a personal life with chemo treatments, doctors appointments and visits to the hospital. For the first few weeks that my Mom was in the hospital I would sleep for 10 to 12 hours every night, yet still wake up tired. I felt constantly exhausted from the emotional strain of dealing with this new illness in the family. I wanted to be the best caregiver I could for my Mom. For me, that meant lots of visits to the hospital, hours of researching treatments and side effects and talking on the phone every day. Though I had a strong support network to take care of me and a wonderful family who never asked too much of me, I still felt the weight of all of my responsibilities. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be an excellent caregiver, a caring daughter, a strong student and a great friend.

Sometimes it can be lonely being a young adult caregiver. It feels like there aren't many people your age who understand exactly what you're going through. I looked for support groups for caregivers, but found nothing that met my needs. There were groups for the young children of parents with cancer, and groups for adults dealing with a spouse's illness, but nothing for those in-between. The 18-30 age group seems to often fall through the cracks. We are a group with unique needs. Many of us are trying to balance relationships, school and a new career with caring for a family member. Sometimes all you need is for someone to tell you that they understand how hard it is to study for exams during transplant prep. Or for someone to tell you that its ok to go out and have fun for a night with friends. Young caregivers give so much to their families and often find themselves over-worked and stressed. The cancer community needs to rally around these devoted young people and provide them with the support they need. Because when we support caregivers, we support survivorship.