Parenting with Cancer

In the early days of my husband’s diagnosis, everything we did seemed on autopilot. It was hard to have our usually fun-filled days with the kids. We kept them busy but we weren’t really in touch with anything else that was happening.

Surgery happened within 5 days of diagnosis, and luckily we had family around to watch the kids while we were at the hospital.

It wasn’t until Andy came home from the hospital to recover that him being sick seemed to set in. He wasn’t able to play (or move easily for that matter) and certainly couldn’t go to the park to play baseball with our son like he once had.

As we dealt with his recovery, and then chemotherapy which led to us being away for many hours at a time, we realized we needed a plan. We had to make the process as easy as possible on us and the kids.

Here are some recommendations that we learned may make the process a little easier:

1. Talk to the kids and fill them in according to their age. Be honest, but select your words wisely

Our children weren’t quite 2 and 4 so we stuck with general ‘daddy’s sick’ or ‘daddy has an ouchie on him that we have to be careful with’. We actually didn’t tell them about ‘cancer’ until he had to start chemotherapy.

When he started chemo, we were once again honest with them (mostly my son, as my daughter was too young to understand) about physical changes they would notice. Fatigue, loss of hair etc.

2. Line up a team of child care helpers and plan the schedule

We pretty well knew ahead of time who we could call during the day for appointments, last minute emergencies in the middle of the night (in case a fever spiked or reaction to medicine) and also lined up people who could care for them during our big weeks in treatment.
These are also the people that you want to encourage your children to talk to (in addition to you) if they have any concerns or worries while you are away.

3. Don’t change routine or habits any more than need be

Now is not the time to change sleeping times, eating habits or start potty training. Keep them on a routine as much as possible and let them have some flexibility – you’ll need it too.

4. Have an emergency bag ready to go

Ours had a change of clothes for each child, diapers and wipes, a few favourite books and toys. This was ready in case we had to change child care plans suddenly or had to drop them off somewhere that was unplanned.

5. Cut yourself some slack

There is nothing normal about what is happening to your family. The kids will become emotional at times (ours did) and ask a lot of questions (ours did) and that’s perfectly normal. You will be overtired and long for routine yourself. It will feel like you are failing them somehow because you aren’t playing as much etc. It’s ok.

When possible, spend as much time as a family together as you can, playing board games or reading stories. It will seem harder on the kids than it really is. Mine rarely talk about the hospital or when daddy was sick anymore.