The more things change, the more they get to stay the same

What changes the week before a stem cell transplant that will change your life? Not much!

You would think a lot. You would think you would spend extra time doing the things you love, a special get together with friends, long walks in deep reflection, eat as much junk food as you want; okay well I did that one, but the rest of the week was life as usual.

I think when you have had cancer for so long, and been in treatment for so long it all becomes part of your normal. There are not many more cards in the mail, flower deliveries or long distance phone calls to ask “how that x-ray went?” Now it’s back to bills in the mailbox, Tuesday night pizza delivery and “can you pick up milk on the way home from your “umthinth” CAT scan?”

That’s not to say life is all bills to be paid, new chores upon old chores, or mundane; occasionally you still get presents. Why just this morning the cat left me a present on the front hall mat to thank me for forgetting to change his kitty box last night.

I tried to tell him that this was a very important stage in my life right now (as I scrubbed the floor), and that he ought to give me break, and that if my transplant was successful Id have the rest of my life to clean out his kitty box on time. His complacent stare told me he was unconvinced, not feeling guilty, and to get over it; today like every other day was going to be the usual mix of daily life and unexpected stuff.

Which makes a lot of sense really; how can one prepare for a life changing event while grumbling over current lack of change and unexpected change at the same time? I guess that’s why I haven’t done anything particularly special leading up to this life event. Life is always changing, and I think deep down the truly special change that will come from my stem cell transplant is that I get to go on with that life as usual.